perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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