at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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