Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
