We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
