Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
