fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
