If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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