need another drink. this is the easiest way
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
