Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
