I puked a lego.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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