At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
