grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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