omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
