My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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