What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
