He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
