im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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