trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
