Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
