apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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