Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize