I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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