they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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