It's like God shit irony all over that family
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
