My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
