So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
