Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
