Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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