Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
