she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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