Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She bit a glass in half.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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