My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
