So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
