sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
