Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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