It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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