Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
