I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
