I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
