he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
