Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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