Too much gin, very little bucket
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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