so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
