he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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