Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
