I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
drinking out of a sandbucket again
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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