Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
