there's paper in my vomit.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
