Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
