Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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