Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
