i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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