I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
