I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
