she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
