Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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