they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
