youre lurking in front of me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
