i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
