Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize