Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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