This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
