Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
