Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
