If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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