my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
