you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
