Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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