Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it's like heaven, but drunker
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
